Extending marriage to have her first sexual relationship seemed unlikely for this Rockie. And yet, at 25 and married for two months, she has no regrets.
Wait until marriage to go to bed? To do what ? It just doesn’t make sense and I’ll never make it! And it’s not done these days anyway, right? This is about my mindset about waiting for marriage to have your first time when I was a teenager.
Waiting for marriage for the first time?
While I respected that choice – as long as it was made anyway and without any pressure – I knew it just wasn’t for me. I wanted to experience the joys of sex as soon as possible.
Ten years later, at 25, I have been married for two months. I had my first time with the man I married… And I absolutely do not regret it!
Going back a bit, it’s important to point out that I grew up in an atheist family and no one ever encouraged me to wait until I got married before going to bed. My parents trusted me completely and didn’t want to influence my decisions. We would talk about romantic relationships and sex from time to time. Neither too much nor not enough, in my opinion.
I was never ready to do my first time
However, it wasn’t until I was 20 that I had my first boyfriend, as I was quite shy by nature and I didn’t necessarily dare approach boys. This relationship went well, and the one that followed too, but we never made it to bed. Each time, the same pattern repeated itself: the boy wanted to take the plunge, but I was not ready.
I found the situation inappropriate or unexpected. I was in love and physically I wanted it (very), but my mind was telling me otherwise. Assaulted with doubts, I tried to figure out what was wrong. Trying to understand myself.
I asked myself this fundamental question: “who do you want to do it with?” “. The answer finally came to me: “I want to do this with someone who loves and respects me, and whom I love and respect in return.”
Religion and my decision to wait until marriage to have my first sexual encounter
Having become a believer in the meantime, I think my view of love naturally and gradually evolved, especially when I thought of Jesus’ love for me. It was something much deeper, more beautiful than I had ever imagined.
After thinking about it succinctly for about three months, I finally came to the conclusion that I was going to wait until marriage because it made sense to me. “Someone who loves and respects me, and someone whom I love and respect” was no longer just a vague idea but took on its full meaning in the context of marriage: this total commitment to the other.
I was so happy with this decision that part of me just wanted to tell everyone about it! I wanted someone to know what was going on inside me and that I had made this decision on my own. But I was also a little worried that this choice would not be understood, even criticized … And when I spoke about it afterwards to a few people in my immediate circle, their reaction was ultimately quite neutral.
My relationship with the man I was going to marry
A few months later, the one who would become my husband and whom I had met in college reconnected with me. He was a friend’s brother, and we hadn’t spoken in about two years because we weren’t particularly close at the time.
We started chatting every day and we became really good friends. Then we went out together. I felt this relationship was different from others.
He is 5 years older than me and was no longer a virgin because he had already had a girlfriend in the past. But even though he hadn’t had a “bad” sexual VR Pissing experience with the girl in question, he wanted to do things differently this time around. Being a Christian too, he believed that marriage was the ideal context and the best thing to do. A real connection had formed between us through various and varied discussions, all without sex.
The same goes for our vision of marriage and taking the plunge. Everything has always been very natural in our relationship because we had the same outlook, and we had no trouble being 100% honest with each other. Two years later, here we are married and I have absolutely no regrets. It’s quite the opposite.
Our life as a couple without sex
For the record, we kissed for the first time right after he proposed (it wasn’t my first kiss, far from it). We’d been dating for a little less than a year, and until then we held each other’s hands, hugged each other a lot, and had a great time together, all without kisses.
Although we both really wanted to and it almost happened a few times, we wanted to get to know each other deeply first. That said, this is by no means a rule that we set for ourselves, we did not say to ourselves “no kiss before this or that”.
We hadn’t planned on kissing for the first time during the marriage proposal, it just felt like the right time. In the emotion, we spontaneously moved closer to each other before exchanging a kiss. It was beautiful and I am very happy with the way things turned out.
Before the wedding we kissed and hugged each other, but we didn’t do anything after that. Obviously, it was (super) difficult at times, but it is doable: you can control yourself and avoid tempting yourself. The whole thing was, rather than creating a list of rules and prohibitions, to remember why we had chosen to do this and what were the benefits to be expected. Knowing that these advantages, we live them every day now.
My fears and questions about sex
About sex, like any girl, I think, of course I had some fears. I had heard and read about sex over and over again since I was a teenager, because it has to be an intriguing subject. At that time I was reading “new adult” novels and had lost myself in the den of pornography several times because, once again, curiosity and envy exacerbate our desires.
Besides that, most of my friends had lost their virginity before me, especially in high school. They were very open about it and did not hesitate to share their experiences. I remember once we talked about “how to perform oral sex”, the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises, etc.
With the one who was to become my husband, we had also read several books on the subject and discussed them together. The church couple who accompanied us in the preparation for the marriage were also there to support us and to discuss what we felt was necessary, without forcing us to go into the details of anything.
Despite all this, as I said, I still had some fears because I knew that the first time could hurt, that there could be blood, etc. All of these little physical things stressed me out a bit, although I was more impatient than anything else.
Emotionally, however, I had no doubts about my choice. I knew I was with the right person, who loved and respected me, and it didn’t matter if my performance wasn’t tip top.